List your mystical experiences

While high on acid, I spoke to a piece of buttered toast and the butter at the center was the Sun. The Sun I soon realized was mankind's representation of God, and that I was speaking to His Holiness. By being baked in the divine light (the Sun / presence and power of God), I became self-aware. I was the toast under God's divine yellow Sun (butter) and became one with him.

I realized it is He who provides the flavor of life upon seeping into every pore of my toasted, doughy core. He told me to hold faith as the ultimate replacement for psychedelic drugs, and compassion was the only true opiate for the human spirit. Since this time, I've been a zealous born-again Christian and seek to run for office this fall.