Leonard Cohen caught "Ridin' Dirty" in Kensington Square


Godfather of acoustic angst rock and outspoken hate advocate Leonard Cohen, A.K.A. "Dirty Pappy" A.K.A. "Pussyfire" A.K.A. "Pampers Chulo," was placed under arrest today after drunkenly driving his car into a high-class horse and carriage.

Cohen—whose red Thunderbird survived the accident—became visibly irritated and vocal. "I could have you bought and sold, so let's pretend we're backstage, before you rip up that ticket and show me that perfect peach ass and plums. I want my gums on those plums," said the disoriented man to an on-duty Kensington County official.

Cohen proceeded to undo his belt and further his harassment, "You look like prime Cohen prey, you know that? Females as ripe as you don't say no to the Ol' Pappy Pampers Chulo."

The arresting officer, later identified as long-time Cohen fan Steve Keraly, was befuddled by the incident and declined comment.

Left in Dirty Pappy's luxury sports mobile were several illegal glocks, a handle of brandy, and a laxative bottle full of cocaine.

The L-Man is scheduled to appear in court this November. We will keep you updated with any breaking news on this case.

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