Don't go to community college

It's an old age Illuminati secret community colleges were created to gather human test subjects to be propelled by rockets toward the Sun. Who else joins but expendable people aged 18 or 48? Why else is it an atmosphere of a sexless orgy with everyone in pajamas? What else could explain the two-year dead end degrees and non-transferable credits?

It's common knowledge that only people who failed at joining the Armed Forces become part of the high school extension program known as community college. After their Navy rejection letter, prospective students need merely hide their meth addictions and pay tuition.

In 1971, the first subjects—or, "students," rather—were rocketed to space, the stars and namely the Sun. The students were infamously guided to their scorching demise by the then popular "Giggles" The Gorilla, who piloted the vessel having outscored them in both reading and mathematics. The secret societies have since stricken any mention of the intelligent ape from public record.

(Right: Propaganda photo featuring "Giggles.")

Luckily, I post from an undisclosed location 300 feet below the Eastern Seaboard, and am able to endow the masses with truth via websites like this one. Don't believe me? Name one junior college graduate you heard of going anywhere in life. They say things like, "I got a job in San Francisco," and are never heard from again. Don't say you weren't warned.