Live each day to the fullest

Nothing gets me quite upset like these waste of flesh parasites blindly consuming and living an insipid, purposeless existence. You know who, the lazy, non-contributing sector of the population unable to overcome a simple innate social inequality or injustice. There is no pity in my person worthy of anyone who refuses to live each as if it was their last. Without trying I could list 20 of today's accomplishments:

  • Ate all 200 1.7 ounce bags of Frito-Lay Mother bought for the local orphanage.
  • Dressed up like Sherlock Holmes.
  • Worked up a sweat during a marathon (playing of Portal and Portal 2).
  • Counted the dead ladybugs in my bathroom.
  • Parkour'd out of bed.
  • Came up with an efficient solution to our energy crisis while showering, then forgot it.
  • Read the entire manual to my spaceheater.
  • Recorded my neighbor Tabitha drawing portraits by her bedroom window.
  • Frowned.
  • Laughed at the idiots on Jerry Springer.
  • Ordered "The Secret" book via rush delivery.
  • Listened to dogs cover Christmas carols on audio cassette.
  • Mocked my overweight brother for using the treadmill.
  • Purchased stock in Nabisco and abdominal shocker belts.
  • Sung D'angelo's "Untitled (How Does It Feel?)" naked before a mirror.
  • Stretched in my queen-sized bed.
  • Sweated while sitting.
  • Claimed anyone who didn't like Inception loves Transformers 2 on IMDB.
  • Counted calories (over 9000).
  • Cleaned out my garage during a daydream.

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