Purposely Creepy Moustache Havers


Decided to begin sporting a thin moustache to commemorate having given up on society. As a kind of sport, naturally, I've decided to make a club. The club is free to join and called the Purposely Creepy Moustache Havers (or, xPCMHx).

Now, there are a few prerequisites to joining the movement. You must have:

  • disdain for society
  • purposely creepy moustache
  • a carabiner that holds nothing

    optional: fingerless gloves

This is NOT an ironic movement.

In the past, there was an unwritten rule about creepy moustaches. It needed not draw attention to itself. As we reach the dawn of a greater awareness, during a time of previously unseen self-reflection, our society is inundated with this influx of pigs. We're increasingly sick by way the neurotically self-aware, outspoken swine. Now we live in a world where everything is in quotes and nothing is meant. The brotherhood of men with unseemly, disturbing moustaches is a thorn in the side of that sinking world.

Now we go bold! There is no more time left to lie in wait. The deafening silence of soldiers, truck drivers and garage door repairmen will go unheard no more. Our movement must grow great in numbers like our strangely sculpted hair follicles.

Some of us walk that thin line between good and evil; some go a step further and border on the hinges of genius and madness; some outsiders walk amongst the edges of cliffs furthest south of society's norms; and some do all three while walking a tightrope on stilts in between. The PCMH rebel even against the very idea of rebellion. Our tightrope is of the same thread of the noose, the guillotine, the thin, menacing moustache-tuft setting us apart from the well-to-do world wreckers.

We stand against the stereotypes that keep facial hair out of the workplace.

We stand against a modern age of social retardation, lack of tact and etiquette.

We stand against the status quo keeping us in check with checks, keeping us blind with laws.

We stand against those afraid to question and explore the darkest recesses of their soul.

We stand to question with murderous intent any man with a moustache and a sense of fashion.

Now, friends, the group is still new and open to suggestions. The creepy facial hair stays, as its the only unionized rebellion directly the median between downright dumb tattoos and sublimely sad sweatpants. Perhaps blazers worn with blank t-shirts can be worked in, and maybe carrying canes for their use as makeshift weapons. Once we get this sucker up and running and chiseled to perfection, though, it's going as solid as the Georgia Guidestones. It will be unmalleable, unlike the law, loose ends, and loose cannons that run this country.

This is a movement for real men (and burly women I suppose) who hold doors open, and give two weeks notice, and say 'no' to drugs on occasion, and don't believe Che Guevara would approve of his faggy t-shirts, and can admit The Twilight Saga has some redeeming qualities, and have the balls to pick up a call from an unknown number, and who will fight for any cause regardless of popularity so long as previous engagements involving sloth or hedonistic pleasure do not interfere.

We are one
We are Purposely Creepy Moustache Havers

1 comment:

  1. "Now we live in a world where everything is in quotes and nothing is meant."

    "Our tightrope is of the same thread of the noose, the guillotine, the thin, menacing moustache-tuft setting us apart from the well-to-do world wreckers."

    this was great.

    ReplyDelete

Post whatever you like, as long as you're not a bot.