'Most People Are Cunts' by Bill Burr

The following post is an excerpt from the July 7, 2007 blog entry of comedian Bill Burr's myspace page. 


TRUTH #4


MOST PEOPLE ARE CUNTS:

A lot of people don't listen to their inner voice, which is sad, because it's that voice that tells you what you want in life. Ignoring this voice causes misery and then before you know it, you've become a cunt.

I've been a cunt for years. For two decades, I basically had access to two emotions: Depression and Rage. I became a cunt because I grew up with cunts. Any time I would try and step out to do something different, all the other cunts would chime in and tell me to get back in formation.

The reason for this is because the last thing a cunt wants is for you to be happy and for you to make your dreams a reality. A cunt wants you to stay right there and spoon with all the other cunts. It's a form of dysfunctional intimacy.

I learned this recently when I decided to move to Los Angeles. I had been thinking for a while that I had basically done everything I could do in New York. So why not give it a shot and see what's at the next level? I thought it made sense.

But the second I started to tell others of my plan, I noticed that a lot of people tried to talk me out of it. They painted a bleak future for me out in La-La Land.

"Stage time is tough man." "There are a lot of joke thieves out there." "Everyone is a phony in LA."

It was really bothering me but then I got some great advice from a friend of mine, who isn't a cunt. He's actually more of a dick but I think he got that rep from other cunts. Cunts don't like people who ignore their shit. It steals their power. Thus, anyone who ignores a cunt, is immediately branded "A Dick."

Anyway, this Dick basically told me that anytime he was making a major move in his life, be it a career move, getting married, or whatever, he learned that people's reaction, had nothing to do with him. It was all about them.

It was a pretty amazing piece of information. Because once he told me that, I began to notice it everywhere I went. Not only in my own life but even in the conversations of random people during the day.

I'd hear stuff like:

Douche Bag #1:
"I'm putting an addition on my house."

Douche Bag #2:
"Really?….You sure you want to do that? A buddy of mine was telling me it's kind of a bad time to take out a home improvement loan. Plus ,what about your backyard? Don't you want to…blah,blah,blah…."

If you could plug headphones into that second guy's ears you would have heard:

"Fuck, how come I'm not doing that? His house is going to be worth more than mine. I shouldn't have blown all that money in A.C. I'm a loser! FUCK!"

So the next time you tell a cunt about a major move you're making, just sit back and enjoy their reaction. I like to do a lot of nodding and not say anything. The silence usually causes cunts to get nervous and in some weird way they actually start to hear all the negativity that they just spewed. At that point they usually try and cover their tracks and say something positive.

Just keep staring at them and you'll get to watch them unravel in front of you. It's has a nice Hannibal Lector quality to it, in that you get to see what their fears are in life.

"Tell me about the Lambs Clarice!"

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