I Hate Electronics and Other Related Things

There has got to be a better way

I hate electronics and other related things. A blog is a related thing. A blog is just a bitching catalyst. The unfortunate irony of bitching about things with the use of the thing you're bitching about. This post is going to be disjointed neurosis that no one need, nor should, read.

Society sways a certain way. There's no living person outside of influence. We're tiny particles of water in the grand wave and here I am moving with the Current. It's inescapable. Conform, or get left behind. No one's filling out resumes on paper in 2013.

Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication said Da Vinci. His head would explode at that consumer electronics convention.

 Give me a break, mate

●●● In my home, I've got a smartphone that connects via wifi to the wifi router, which allows the Playstation to work with the internet, a flash drive is required however for movies. To use the flash drive, of which I own several, one must transfer the files from the computer to the drive. This takes forever, unless you have a USB 3.0 flash drive which I don't own, and in order to use it, your computer also needs a USB 3.0 USB port. Still, speeds are aided by a solidstate hard drive, like the one I just purchased and installed in my bluetooth enabled laptop. Despite being bluetooth, it's still easier to send files to my computer over email than doing the painful pairing process every time.
●●● It's always necessary to connect my PC speakers to my laptop, with its subwoofer, several wires and volume control knob. The knob also contains an aux input in case I wish to listen to music from my phone on good speakers. Either that, or I can use my newly purchased BT-enabled portable speaker set. Wireless is simple. Wireless is good. Then in the drawer below is my wireless portable microphone recorder, with a wire for transferring. Wireless is simpler, until you run of of battery. And I still need to buy a lavalier mic, which is a secondary mic that comes out of your first mic.
●●● I own another smartphone, although it's pretty stupid. I'm trying to sell that. I sleep on a bed with a remote, a remote for my damn space heater. Of course for some reason I own two wireless mice and one external hard drive and one ordinary internal hard drive just taking up space. I have an older model tablet expected by mail tomorrow. How else is one supposed to read books, alright? How else am I going to keep in touch with the zeitgeist if I don't have access to a 10" touch screen? That's what I thought! Oh, and I just won an iPod Touch.
●●● I'm tired of being sophisticated. Even my waterbottle is a little pretentious with its double insulated, never go cold bullshit. They now have measuring cups with digital scales but I swear I'm never owning one. No fucking way, man. No fucking way. And this is just my room.
●●● What else is in this house? A 200-disc CD player and stereo, four flat screen TVs, one SmartTV with Youtube and Netflix connectivity via connected wifi-enabling USB device. There's a Roku and a Wii. The Roku required a credit card to even use and doesn't turn off. That's right, doesn't ever turn off. There's five Playstation controllers, one controller charger stand, one Wii controller charger stand, at least three other smartphones, a wireless printer, four other laptops, two fancy headsets, countless pairs of headphones, one iPad, one bad tablet, and a bunch of Gamecubes stuck in a corner somewhere. Oh, and those cable boxes that allow you to get digital reception on older TVs so Comcast can keep a vise grip on its monopoly.
●●● In the cars there's one GPS, several phone chargers, several cables, and one FM transmitter for my car because it was invented after XM but before wireless. There's battery charged weed-trimmers that rarely work, and powerdrills and saws and flashlights. Are electronics really making our lives simpler? At the end of the day I need a puff from one of two sets of electronic cigarettes.

 Nine Inch Nails cover art

They're all connected to social networking. I don't know that I want to be so easily reachable in such a meaningless medium. All social etiquette is lost on the internet. I recall I was selling a lawn mower a man asked about the engine, and asked for some pictures. I did the work, uploaded the pics, sent him a thoughtful response. Apparently it wasn't the engine he wanted. The cunt didn't have the decency to respond. Not even a "Thanks, but no thanks." This is what electronics and separation do to people. Fuck that old man and his interest in rider lawn mowers. I hope someone superglues twenty of those vintage Alf puppets to his mother's gravestone. I would be content and without any empathy if that happened to this piece of garbage. 

Alf puppets: tainting your mother's memory

So you're walking through Target and everyone has an electronic toy in their pants. As I wrote this my pants began to vibrate with a Facebook message. Let me continue. So, everyone's pants go "ping!" or whatever as we slowly become robots. The telephones vibrate and squeal with excitement. If there were an app that gauged sexual excitement with a corresponding ringtone, that might be fun. Then, you could drive a 4-wheeler naked through a beach, setting off the NFC-enabled libido detectors of every grandma in the area to the sound Sonic makes when collecting rings. Aside from that, this stuff is unnecessary.

 Did I just order an escort from Dominoes?

Some related things. Cellphones might be the most tedious culprit. No, it's video. What do an Android device, Apple TV, a Playstation, TiVo, a Comcast box, an AT&T box, and a Windows device all have in common? None of them are compatible with each other. Then, neither are the sub services like iTunes, Amazon, Hulu, Netflix. Odds are you've bought a few movies, shows, or games more than once. Odds are they have restrictions. Piracy is literally one the best options when it comes to functional absorption of media.

Welcome to the Future Unibomber meet 'n' greet

But phones aren't any easier. I have four communication apps plus the normal texting program, and most of them can't text properly, let alone do video or voice. I have four different music apps, one does podcasting, one does radio, one for owned music, and the other lets me stream uploaded songs. Consolidate this shite already. Five if you include the one that recognizes songs, Shazam. The barebones argument for a cellular phone is, "Oh, but it's a safety issue!" Did you know cell carriers are legally required to give you access to emergency services? That means any $5, unactivated phone with good enough reception will work if you get stranded in the woods. Verizon has the best U.S. network, so I kept a $20 phone I bought when in a bind. I keep it powered offer, so the battery can last years without a recharge and it's there if I ever confront a bear. 911's got you.

Forever alone

I'm not impressed with the progress. Computational power has made extraordinary leaps, and creating an intuitive user interface is still a thing of dreams. When I think of my best life moments, most were almost entirely dependent on the material world. Planning what bus routes to take, the internet's my friend. GPS is certainly preferable to maps. I still enjoy a standard definition TV and those were created at the turn of the last century. Automobiles, buses, trains, largely unchanged. 20 years ago we spoke to each other on payphones. Now if you needed to stops omewhere to use wifi you'd be looked at like a psychopath. Any tool can be used or abused. We're literally at a point where people videotape their lives instead of experiencing them, only to do nothing with said footage. You cannot go to a social event without someone snapping photos or recording video and I don't get it. Most people have the option to lead extraordinary lives, they're not going to want to see your ordinary pictures. Unless an electronic obsession is built and it's the new standard, living vicariously via "high definition" screens instead of using your eyes and going outside.

The incredibly sad Tumblr-ization of America

And that's the problem. Simplicity is great, but simpler isn't always better. People on Twitter race and struggle to tell the best joke or have the most relevant phrase in the least amount of letters. Simplicity is only good for destroying bad ideas, the rest is novelty. Novelty is fun. Fun is the feeling you want to last forever. Here's an example of a good kind of simplicity, telling the pope, "You're saying condoms are worse than AIDS." Shortening a political argument to these simple terms could actually affect change. But when not speaking of important stuff, the rest is up for grabs. No one on Twitter is having an argument on this, it's technically impossible. Facebook is more distraction than sophistication. In the end, I don't have a big enough stake in it.

But, some years from now, you're going to get an email alert when your relative dies from his wifi enabled blood stream shutting down. Their gravestone will be an e-card with a frowning emoticon. Your wedding presents will be Farmville credits. Your entire life might end up 2-dimensional, lived on the plane of a flatscreen.

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