Evergreen Terrace - Dead Horses [live review]

Live review is a simple concept of reviewing an album as you listen to it. 

Appropriate album title
Oh, bad vibes! I'm gettin' bad vibes! This sounds tough for a band named after the Simpsons. These guys have several unpaid parking tickets. Wait, they started singing. They're consider paying them off as a patriotic duty. Every member of this band had their father repeatedly plea that they attend college and this song Crows is their response. But then the start singing softly, triumphantly, like that scene in Varsity Blues when Moxon is like, I Don't Want Your Life.

Doot doot doot and angry screams. This guys had enough of the first world's bullshit. They won't settle for minimum wage. Interlude of spastic spacial sounds. I'm imagining 30 year old teenagers in space singing softly. Now they're chanting. They're "Searching for daylight." You're in space, there's no daylight there. So this You're Born in the Gutter song is kinda silly. Now the song's angry again. There's one of those breakdowns. These guys went from optimistic daylight to dread real fast.

Post Satanic Ritual Baby is an entertaining song title. These guys are viciously angry. Wait, now they sound like Eve 6. Singer has bi-polar disorder potentially. "My back's against the ceiling," says the lead talking guy. Now it sounds like they're in space again chanting. So it's one of those sing-along moments in song. Sounds like a commercial for the World Cup and unity. Are you satan worshipers or pussies pick a side jesus.

I'm getting a lot of futbol vibes from this album. It's like Tyrese Gibson's Always Coca-Cola song, you know. Except they add enough blood-curdling screams to ensure it'll never be commercial. Because success wouldn't be legit. You can tell they want to be a stupid poppy corny band but fear it would alienate their original fanbase. "Dead Horses," this is. Yeah this sounds like music for soccer playing ravers. Possibly they do both at once.

This sounds like a band that has a lot of angst over the fact they've never faced any real problems in the world or life. "Brow Beaters Anonymous" says "You won't take me alive I'll keep screaming." What are you talking about? If someone wants to kill you for pleasure, your screaming just makes it better. The best way to survive in a hostage situation with a sadist is to tell them things about your life and humanize yourself in their eyes. These lyrics are hence not well-researched.

Okay this song has pop punk with a sonic melancholy quality. "It's All Over but The Cryin'". He's probably complaining about an ex from five years ago. You realize screaming is the same as crying right? It's a call of frustration and hopelessness. Unless you meant your band is crying. This sounds like the music equivalent of Colin Farrell's career. Potential but ultimately misdirected.

Remember when Shai Hulud, the smart guy in that band, decided to go on to A New Found Glory? And make better music with catchy tunes and shit? This sounds like a band that said f*ck that shit dude we're going to stay true to the 'core and they tried to do both at once. So it's poppunkhardcore and it's kind of atrocious. And the echo on the vocals is corny. But again the song title of "Lacuna Inc" is kind of neat.

"Mike Myers..." hasn't started as a song yet so I'm just going to say I hope these people find happiness. They seem upset about something you know? Okay the song started. Yeah these people definitely lost their Coke or something. They're way too tense.

Okay "The Fortunate Ones" is a cool song title and it's probably at least keeping it real because they're white kids from suburbia I'm guessing. Seven voices overlapping sounds not good, guys. Also the melodies haven't changed since track one. There's no creativity here. It sounds like itself, and everything else. It appeals to the 18-24 demographic which is a good thing. ...Seriously how the f*ck are these guys still a band.

"That Dog'll Hunt" ends the album on a lownote. "We'll carry on, we'll carry on!" I don't buy it. You won't carry on if you keep writing albums about your pathological depression.

Bottom line: life in america isn't that bad.

Album score: 4/10.

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