False Harrassment Claim

A Cautionary Tale


Almost got arrested over a false harassment claim today. Here's what happened.

(Dramatization)

So there's this girl in front of me pushing a shopping cart with a kid in it. She's got this blue track top and black yoga pants, displaying her perfect figure and all that. So I walk up to the side of her and say, "Hey, if you need help making another one of these, let me know." So I point at the kid and smirk but she quickly carted off like a bat out of hell.

Next thing I know manager "Paul" is walking beside ME, then I end up in this security room. The woman's there. And Paul says something like you insinuated you wanted to have sexual relations with one of our customers, and that kind of harassment is not something we tolerate here at Walmart.

I calmly explain to the guy, "That's ridiculous and untrue. I am merely a co-conspirator in a world-wide ring of black market infants, which we cater only to certain clientele for a relatively nominal 'finder's fee.'" Furthermore I explain my enterprise also engages human trafficking in Bangladesh, Ukraine, and Sri Lanka, but at that point I was just reading off my business card.

Everyone breathed a sigh of relief and the air was let out of the room after that. The managers profusely apologized. The lady even gave me her number, but I doubt I'll call because people with kneejerk reactions like that tend to be psychos.

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