Do Eat and Drive


Almost got into a colossal accident today eating pizza while driving. There was a crowd in front of the mall entrance and a kid ran out. I braked HARD and heard a thump. Kid was down, leg injured. Crowd was going batshit. Immediately I run out and bend down to console the young boy. I tell him, "It's okay. My pizza's fine." Then I lift it up in the air and tell the crowd, "Everything's fine. That's not pizza sauce, it's blood." The crowd collectively breathed a sigh of relief and dispersed. Afterward I drove off with his mom and we've since started a new life together.

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